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After one year, it's now a tradition... that's right, Doug E's weekly "Worm of the Week" makes a return to "Sportstalk with Dan Russell." Yes, it is an extension, or perhaps an homage, of USA Today's baseball writer, Rod Beaton's "Wienie of the Week." The weekly tribute will recognize one outstanding individual from the basketball world who has done their part to really mess up. Be it an arrest, an on-court screw-up, a front page miscue or even some severe pouting or whining, we'll recognize all that is really stupid from around the NBA. Why the "Worm of the Week?" Much like a Quentin Tarantino movie, we are paying tribute to the master of the publicity driven screw-up, the original worm, Mr. Dennis Rodman. Dennis has been quiet for a while, playing in the ABA or even Finland, but we all know that he's potentially only minutes away from screwing-up at any time. So, take a drunken wedding and cross it with a nightclub fight and you have the perfect potential candidate for the weekly props that is the "Worm of the Week." April 28, 2006 - Darius Miles A quick review; constantly argues throughout the season with new coach, Nate McMillan. Allegedly, comes to practice drunk. Missed numerous team busses and shootarounds, primarily because he overslept. Dresses for game, doesn't play in the first half and leaves bench to change into his street clothes (which, I may add, are very impressive, Saville Row-style British suits) because "I'm not playing." Add in the on again, off again "trade me" demands plus a max contract (that Paul Allen sure is a shrewd businessman), it all equals "Worm of the Week." Just as a Vancouver area aside/tangent, Mr. Miles filmed a movie in the Lower Mainland a few years ago. "The Perfect Score" featured a young Darius Miles as the high school hoops phenom who couldn't get past those darned SAT's. He joins up with a motley cross section of other stressed out SAT'ers (including a dark haired, angst ridden babe, Ms. Scarlet Johansson... nice...) to try and steal the test answers. The movie featured a few basketball scenes that were filmed at Cap College. Now, these scenes didn't involve any heavy hoops action, just some basic moves and a couple of jump shots. As one take added on to another, it became apparent that young Mr. Miles was incapable of hitting a medium range jump shot and throwing a behind the back pass on the run. He was already in the NBA at the time. His work ethic was firmly established as non-existent. It didn't help matters that he was also "herbally" incapable of completing the scenes. It appeared that Darius (and his St. Louis posse) was very fond of BC's biggest export. Allegedly. For "Worm" bonus coverage, check out this extended lunch-time interview between Darius Miles and Jason Quick of the "Oregonian." Special "Worm" points for the all-around whining and especially for the bitching about a "lack of respect" because Darius didn't receive his own Blazers bobblehead doll. The folks at "WOW" headquarters love any whining about off-court marketing initiatives, specifically those regarding bobbleheads! http://www.oregonlive.com/weblogs/blazersoregonian/ April 20, 2006 - Chris Webber &
Allen Iverson Sorry, I forgot to add in that they were both injured and not expected to play. Team rules still spell out that players must arrive 90 minutes before game time. Oh, as well, it was "Fan Appreciation Night" and neither injured player sat on the bench or took part in any of the team functions thanking the loyal Philly fans. AI was quoted as saying that he didn't know it was "Fan Appreciation Night" and would never disrespect the fans that way. As a seasoned veteran, you'd think the Answer would have noticed that the last home game of the previous ten years had always been "Fan Appreciation Night?" He must have been distracted by his two-way. Perhaps his t-shirt and hat ensemble threw him when he realized that he was violating the league's business casual dress policy. He must not have looked in the mirror of the Bentley (that part's made up, since I'm not sure exactly what rig AI arrived in). As for Webber, he has always had trouble remembering things... "Time-out, time-out..." If you think about it, it was a fitting end to an under achieving Sixers season. Combine injuries, poor team and superstar chemistry and one of the five worst GM's in the NBA (yes, you, Billy King) and you get a team that qualifies for "Worm of the Weak." Notice the witty play on language and use of spelling. To quote Vancouver's hockey Rhodes scholar, Todd Bertuzzi, "it is what it is" and what it is is Allen Iverson and Chris Webber are the "Worm's of the Week." April 7, 2006 - Rasheed Wallace Under new NBA discipline guidelines (a fancy way of saying fines and technical fouls), after a player has accumulated 16 technical fouls, he is suspended for one game. If he picks up another 2 T's (18 in total), well, that's 2 games... and so on and so on. Guess what, Rasheed picked-up his 16th T earlier this week and missed his first game of the season. No big deal, right? Unfortunately, this transgression lead to the first time all season that the Pistons didn't start the same line-up (B. Wallace, R. Wallace, R. Hamilton, T. Prince and C. Billups). Do you know how hard it is to go through an NBA season with the same line-up? That would be one of your rhetorical question because it is unbelievably hard for an NBA team to go through 82 games with the same crew. Just ask Houston or Washington or Orlando, etc. So, for getting back to his old ways with the referees, Rasheed gets the technical foul of basketball recognition, the "Worm of the Week." Just as an additional aside, Rasheed also had a hard time telling time this week. Last Sunday, when everyone around "D-E-T-R-O-I-T B-A-S-K-E-T-B-A-L-L" was getting ready for the game, 'Sheed was nowhere to be found. That's because last Sunday was the changeover to Daylight Savings Time. Rasheed didn't grasp the concept of "springing forward" and barely made it to the Phoenix game in time for the fun. Perhaps 'Sheed should pay a visit to Jacob the Jeweler and get a self adjusting timepiece? Luckily, Coach Saunders didn't sit Wallace and the Pistons run of "the same" starting line-up lived another day... until the tech suspension, of course. What have we learned from all of this? Rasheed Wallace obviously knows his Ben Franklin's but doesn't know one of Ben's finest inventions, Daylight Savings Time. A little history lesson, Rasheed. March 24, 2006 - "WOW Consumer
Product of the Week" - "The White Shadow," Season 2 DVD So, as a result, this week I'm trying to help stimulate our great economy. No "Worm" just a strong recommendation for a DVD purchase. That's right, the finest TV show of our time, "The White Shadow," is back with season 2 now available on DVD. Join Coach Reeves, Salami (who, incidentally, is now the go to guy director of "The Sopranos"), Goldstein, Gomez, Haywood, Jackson and Coolidge as they make their way through the always entertaining world of 1970's socially relevant hoops in the ghetto. It's an "Afterschool Special" with great basketball. What more could you ask for? Head down to your local purveyor of digital entertainment and grab up "The White Shadow." Trust me, it'll be worth it and you'll love me for the recommendation. February 24, 2006 - Isiah Thomas February 3, 2006 - Ed Grezinsky Now, I have no problem with Epiphanny. She did what every good player should and played hard. An old coach of mine always said "never pass up a chance to dominate." My problem is with her coach, the listed Mr. Grezinsky. As a high school coach, he should hopefully know that there is more to the game than just the team and individual outcomes. Even with the erosion of life or character teaching moments in modern day youth sports, Mr. Grezinsky should have known that in a game that lopsided Epiphanny's accomplishments would only highlight bad sportsmanship. The game wasn't close and the Brandeis team was dramatically overmatched, so, play the bench, take off the press and allow Epiphanny to showcase her considerable skills against a stronger opponent. Show her that scoring big is important in a big game, against tough competition. Make it a goal and don't waist everyone's time, especially Epiphanny's, in torching a basically defenseless team. Just because she could break Cheryl Miller's old scoring record doesn't mean that she should have been given an opportunity. It's the coach's job to make sure what happens on (and off ) the floor is valued, not made insignificant by fleeting ego. Wow, do I ever sound old. So, for doing a poor job of coaching and an even worse job of setting a good hoops example, this week's "Worm of the Week" is Ed Grezinsky, master of the "gotta' have it now" ADD coaching moment. I still think that Epiphanny Prince is an awesome sports name though. PS - once again, I know Dan will ask, so, here is my Super Bowl prediction. After two weeks of getting no respect whatsoever, the Seahawks will defeat the Steelers and their feel good story of '06, Jerome Bettis. Like the Patroits vs. the Rams, the Seahawks will sneak up on everyone (read "bettors") and will win this one straight-up. If Vegas really thought that Pittsburgh was that big a favourite, they would have set the line at 6 or 7 just to counteract the heavy, diehard money that is poring in for the Steelers. The Seahawks will ride the "we don't get no respect" mantra all the way to a double, skinny soy latte parade later this week in the Emerald City. Count on it like Paul Allen counts his money. Seahawks 27 - Steelers 23 January
27, 2006 - Isiah Thomas and Isaiah Rider Isaiah Rider, aka JR Rider, former first round draft pick, unapologetic gunner and league slam dunk champ decided to go "East Bay Funk" on a female acquaintance and as a result has now been charged with kidnapping. JR got into a heated argument with said female and decided that rather than cool off and talk at a later date he would just drive away with the young lady in his car. Against her will. Allegedly. Add this police indiscretion to Isaiah's other misdeeds (guns, ganga, traffic and driving problems, etc.) and it all adds up to a special shared version of the "Worm." The second part of this Isiah combination, "Worm" repeat offender Isiah Thomas, may have had the worst week possible for an NBA executive. A moment for a rhetorical question; what business venture hasn't turned to crap that Isiah Thomas has been involved in? Anyway, Isiah Thomas was accused of allegedly setting-up opposing players with various forms of drink and vice at New York peeler hot spot, SCORES. I guess he was pulling a Lawrence Taylor. Working through third parties and hotel concierges, Isiah (allegedly) set up the boys for little drunken road trips to see the naked girls and hopefully diminish their basketball performance the next night against his Knicks. As you can see from the Knickerbockers record, Isiah has had great success with this plan. If that's all it took to throw a team off, the Vancouver Grizzlies would have been a consistent playoff performer (go Brandi's, go Cecil, go Drake...). Thomas' second strike this week is a little more serious and comes courtesy of a lawsuit filled by former Knicks VP of Marketing, Anucha Browne Saunders. Ms. Browne Saunders has accused the smiling manipulator of sexual misconduct and harassment. According to the complainant, she was fired last Thursday "for telling the truth" while going through internal channels to stop Isaih's harassment. According to ESPN.com, she has accused Thomas of telling her he was "very attracted" to her and "in love" with her and tried to kiss her. She is suing not only Isiah but the Knicks and MSG as well. That whole poisoned workplace thing. Isiah has gone into full PR attack mode, so, that smells like guilty (allegedly) to me. One thing we must all remember, like on "COPS," all Isiah/Isaiah's are innocent until proven guilty... Bad boys, bad boys, what you gonna' do, what you gonna' do when they come for you... January 20, 2006 - Allen Iverson After pouring out his heart and pouring in the points against the New Jersey Nets, Iverson had seen enough, so to speak. With 0:11 seconds remaining in the game and the Nets up by 11, AI couldn't take it anymore and stomped off the court straight for the dressing room before the end of the game. Now, nothing was going to happen as the ball was just being dribbled out but this move just reeks of the type of bad attitude that we love here at "Worm" headquarters. Call it AI's homage to another frequent "WOW" favourite, Isiah Thomas, who famously led the Detroit Pistons off to the locker room before the game was over against the Chicago Bulls back in the day. Isiah couldn't muster up the respect for MJ and his crew and pouted all the way to the locker room as Chicago played out their victory. Mr. Iverson, you need to show a little more respect for both your own teammates, team and opponents. Most importantly, show respect for the game. Otherwise, it is "Worm of the Week" for you. I guess that wraps up this week's Afterschool Special-style lecture... back to you, Dan... January
13, 2006 - Steve Francis Last year Francis put the boots to a photographer in Seattle. Result, NBA suspension. This year, Steve was asked to sub in to a quasi blowout game against the Sonics with approximately 3:30 remaining in the fourth quarter. Now, you can argue the merits of sending your "star" back into a blowout and whether that shows a lack of respect. We'll let coach Brian Hill worry about that move. But, given Francis' past screw-ups and poor attitude, he should have bit his lip (his favourite pouting maneuver) and subbed into the action. Finish up and deal with Hill in private. The brunt of Steve's attitude problem has been that Jameer Nelson is playing well and taking more minutes. Rather than leading and doing the little things that a star can do (attract doubles, run the floor, hit the open man until you're needed in the crunch), Steve decided to be a bitch and play the diva. After the game, very loud shouting could be heard outside the Magic's locker room as Francis and one of the assistants had it out. Following the game, the Magic suspended Stevie Franchise for "conduct detrimental to the team." Enjoy the rest, Steve, and congratulations on becoming a multiple "Worm of the Week." January 6, 2006 - The Seattle
Supersonics Organization As the Sonic organization dragged out their mishandled negotiations with Nate McMillan last year, it became painfully obvious (to everyone but the Sonics brain trust) that McMillan wouldn't be back. He had been personally disrespected (no extension the year before), the team had dramatically over achieved and there wasn't "elite" coach money available to resign him. Still, the Sonics waited until McMillan became a free agent before commencing with negotiations. By the time the dust settled, McMillan was getting big Microsoft dollars from Paul Allen in Portland and his longtime lead assistant, Dwane Casey, was the new head coach in Minnesota. Add to that mix former Sonic assistant, Dean Demopoulos, who followed McMillan down the I-5 to Portland. So, the Sonics lost their coach and two of his assistants. The time they diddled around also cost them shots at the high profile coaches that were available, such as Flip Saunders. Although, the Sonics would have never bucked up for a coach at that level (since they wouldn't pay McMillan that type of money either). What choice did the Sonics have? Well, good old Bob Weiss, Uncle Bob, Sonic assistant, laidback career coach, super nice guy, charter airplane magician, he was still available. Plus, he would work really cheap ($4 million over two years). It also didn't hurt when Sonics' go to guys, Ray Allen and Rashard Lewis, both spoke up and put in a good word for Weiss. When everything was said and done, the Sonics announced that Bob Weiss was the man for the job. Leap forward to this season. The very qualities that the players loved about Weiss (player's coach, more easygoing, will push the tempo and let the team run, etc.) were taken as a sign of weakness and abused by the players right from training camp. The Sonics basketball operations administration (Wally Walker, Rick Sund and Dave Pendergraft) hedged their bets about Weiss by bringing in formerly blackballed head coach, Bob Hill, as an assistant. There was a real big vote of confidence. And then the basketball ops people really did a nice job of signing no impact free agents and drafting big foreign kids that will take years to develop. To recap; nice man but wrong coach for team, cheap, poor draft picks and free agent signings coupled with former head man brought in as lead assistant. All and all, setting the table for Bob Weiss to fail. Plus, add in a terrible start and inconsistent player effort and you have one fired coach. Don't get me wrong, Bob Weiss deserved to be fired. The Sonics were often ill prepared, didn't always play hard, executed their offensive sets terribly (or at least sloppily), didn't play any defense and still hadn't settled on an effective rotation. These things can all be laid at Bob Weiss' feet. Ultimately though, the Sonic organization got what it deserved because they had set the team up for failure from the day they hired Bob Weiss as the head coach. For all of that, plus the fact that Howard Schultz makes about $5 every time some dumbass buys a triple something latte, the Seattle Supersonics organization gets this week's "Worm of the Week." December 30, 2005 - Kobe Bryant Early in the third quarter of this past Wednesday's Laker game against the former Vancouver Grizzlies, Kobe got hit with an accidental, inadvertent flying hand belonging to Mike Miller. As Kobe made his way to the dressing room for a few stitches above his eye, he loudly let Miller know that he'd be back (soon) and Miller wouldn't have long to wait for Kobe's retribution. Jump ahead to the 8:24 of the fourth quarter. Mike Miller drives the middle of the lane heading for the hoop. Uh oh, queue Kobe, or the Brute, if Ron Morier was announcing the action from the BCTV studios in Burnaby. Kobe took the opportunity to lay a cross between a forearm shiver and a full elbow directly to Mike Miller's throat, dropping Miller to the paint in a big hurry. At the time, the referees assessed a "flagrant #1" penalty, allowing Kobe to stay in the game. After looking at the video after the game, Stu Jackson actually made a correct decision and reassessed a "flagrant #2" foul on Kobe. The difference - any intentional shot to the head should be assessed as a "flagrant #2," with the offending player tossed from the game. So our lesson this week, don't go all All-Star Wrestling on someone's ass unless you're willing to pay the penalty. In Kobe's case, a two game suspension ($290,000) and "Worm of the Week" honours. December 22, 2005 - Christmas "Lump
of Coal" Edition Isiah
Thomas Kobe Bryant Ron Artest Latrell Spreewell December 16, 2005 - Ron Artest December 8, 2005 - NBA Executive Offices After destroying the NBPA (again) at the collective bargaining table last summer, Rabbi Stern and his crew, Russ and Stu, are now putting the hammer down on players whose shorts exceed the league allowed 0.1 inch below the knee. The league levied a series of $10,000 fines (as well as fining the various teams in the $50,000 range) for not looking like John Stockton. I know, a good look but... This whole fashion police episode stinks of "What Not to Wear, " except Clinto and Stacy are nowhere to be found. Plus, their cheapo $5,000 spending spree wouldn't even cover half of an NBA fashion fine. Unfortunately, the players can't do anything about their short's length (and the resulting fines) as they are the supplied uniform from league provider, and sponsor, Reebok. It's not like Allen Iverson is going to whip out to the local haberdasher and have those bad boys hemmed before taking on the Milwaukee Bucks. Luke Ridnour told me that all the shorts he has received this year have been too long The player's union has filed a grievance and for once, good on them (my union brothers). The players have all pretty much abided by the new off-court dress code, so, now the league must get their stuff together and provide the players with appropriate on-court clothing. Rescind the fines and get off the players about the shorts. It is especially egregious to me as a point guard because it is all the little men around the league getting burned by these fines. The NBA must have bigger things to worry about, don't you think? December
2, 2005 - Latrell Sprewell He could have had over $21 million (3 years) from the T-Wolves last year but that wasn't enough for a player of his "stature." A player who's game has devolved rapidly, losing both explosiveness and an ability to score on younger players, especially in the clutch. Yet, he thinks/thought that he deserved more. Now, he won't move out of his Milwaukee yacht until someone ponies-up at least the veteran mid-level exception of approx. $5 million plus. There are a few teams that would take on Latrell at the veteran's minimum of just over $1 million but that's not enough, so, Latrell only gets to play hoops at the Y. For this latest bout of hubris (my thesaurus word of the week), Latrell Sprewell, becomes another multiple winner of the "Worm of the Week." Go Latrell, it's your birthday... November
25, 2005 - Marcus Camby When David Stern and the NBA executives started making rumblings of bringing in the new dress code, many players were asked for their views and opinions. While we here at ebehoops always celebrate the exercise of American First Amendment rights, certain players should have remained silent. Example number one, our friend, Mr. Camby. Marcus was particularly vocal about the unfairness of the code and more specifically, the cost that the players were going to have to bear putting together their "new" wardrobes. In fact, Marcus thought he could only get with the program if the league provided a stipend or clothing per diem to help the beleaguered players out financially. At the time of his pronouncement, the ex-Mass Minuteman was making approximately $8.5 million dollars - you can see why he might need a little fashion dollar help. Now, this isn't quite up there with Latrell's "need to feed his family" but come on, stretch those dollars, Marcus. If you've ever watched a show on the SPEED network called "Unique Whips," you know that Marcus has a new (or vintage) car or truck in their shop almost every other week. He's basically dropping a minimum of $40,000 plus on each of these customizations. Sound systems, paint, body mods and of course the big dubs. So far, Marcus hasn't asked David Stern to help him out with his Continental or Hummer H2. Given that auto fact, I'm pretty sure that Marcus could drag his skinny ass over to the Men's Warehouse or Rochester Big and Tall and drop a couple of hundred? dollars on a few ensembles. At least get a nice sports jacket or blazer on your own dime, Marcus. That's that for this week. Marcus Camby gets our special "What Not to Wear Worm of the Week." Back to you, Stacy and Clinton. PS - I know Dan will ask, so, I'm ready... my Grey Cup pick for this week of drunken, Canadian celebration here in Vancouver... Edmonton
34 - Montreal 26 November
18, 2005 - Johnny Newman No, this week's "WOW" is a former NBA player (last seen/waived by the Phoenix Suns circa 2001), Mr. Johnny Newman. The retired player (I'm losing that word loosely because I'm pretty sure that he just never got picked-up by anybody), was charged with applying, or at least trying to apply, a beat down on his lovely wife. Throw in disobeying a restraining order as well and that behavior spells out "WOW." Johnny's spousal anger management problems get extra marks because of who he is married to; former "Different World" and "Hanging with Mr. Cooper" star, Dawnn Lewis-Newman. You remember her, the heavier of the two female stars of the basketball-themed afro-sitcom. It was a zany comedy about a high school coach that was headlined by actual black people. If the show was on today, it would definitely be kicking ass on UPN (holla'). Ironically, the other female star, Holly Robinson-Peete, also married a pro athlete, quarterback Rodney Peete. Johnny's game was know for his slashing, versatile role play. From this day forward, Johnny is now known as the inept wife beater and "Worm of the Week" winner. He really should have directed his anger towards Mark Curry, star of "Mr. Cooper" and a really lame pretend hoops coach. Only redeeming feature of the show? It featured the lovely Nell Carter... November
11, 2005 - Arnold "Red" Auerbach From all accounts, Red was recently very ill and even on his deathbed in a Washington, DC hospital. He has had a series of health problems over the last number of years. Basketball personnel from around the globe were concerned that this might be the end for the NBA Hall of Famer. So, what does Red Auerbach do as he struggles to survive in the hospital? He rags on Lakers coach Phil Jackson every day for having the temerity to win championships and tie (but really surpass) Auerbach's record for NBA rings. Auerbach's daily bitter ramblings in one interview after another only cemented my belief that crabby young people become even crabbier old people. It's almost like a "Simpson's" episode with Grandpa Simpson and the rest of the crew at the home bitching about everything in the modern world because it either "isn't the way it used to be" or "it scares me." Well, Phil Jackson's accomplishments seem to scare Red Auerbach. Red accurately points out that Phil had individually dominating players in Michael Jordan and Shaq, summarizing that that's the only reason he ever won anything. News flash, bitter old guy, you had Bill Russell and let's not forget the other 6 or 7 Hall of Fame guys. Mr. Auerbach gets released from the hospital and obviously heads home to relax and recuperate, right? Wrong you are 1971 Knicks. Red gets home and bitches some more that Phil Jackson didn't even call him once and wish him well in the hospital. Forget the fact that Red as never had a kind word for the Zen master, Phil should have still checked in with his concerns. Nice. I pretty sure that Red Auerbach heads down to Miami each year and drinks champagne with the old Dolphins whenever the last undefeated NFL team loses - the sports height of bitterness and conceit. So, for continuous old guy bitterness and inaccurate basketball complaints, this season's first "Worm of the Week" goes to barely alive basketball legend, Red Auerbach. Keep on spitting venom, Arnold, it seems to keep you going in your twilight years. That and those nasty cigars (which always struck me as the height of old school sportsmanship). Doug E. Check out last seasons "Worms"... there really are some good ones. For more Doug E. "Sportstalk" columns (or what passes for a columns), click here!
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