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Atlanta, GA - Where to start? If you want an unadulterated, no apologies, hype-driven star spectacular, then Atlanta was the place to be this weekend for the NBA's all-star weekend festivities. How can I truly summarize the experience. Well, let's put it this way, All-Star Weekend is the "Caligula" of pop culture extravaganzas (minus all that on-screen sex and stuff). The NBA puts on one humungous, over the top production. When you take into account that the actual All-Star Game is probably the smallest fraction of what goes on over the weekend, then you begin to see what today's NBA is all about. While the game will forever be know as Michael Jordan's last all-star action, it is the 40,000 other goings on that quickly catch your attention. I'm pretty sure that the largest number of NBA staffers present in Atlanta were part of the NBA Entertainment group or those folks responsible for celebrity wrangling, ass kissing and making sure that all those icons of "People" magazine are strategically positioned in the front rows of the Philips Arena. Saturday, Feb, 8, 2003 "Yo' Vince, give up you spot Dawg" and "Vince, let MJ start you punk" are just a few of the more complimentary suggestions thrown Air Canada's way by some of the kinder Atlanta fans. If Carter survives until the game on Sunday it will be a miracle. Although, Vince is getting some love from the plus-size sisters sporting the Sean John gear who are making the suggestion that VC's ready for whole lot of lovin' and they are just the ones to hook him up. I wander back over to Philips Arena to check out the Freshman vs. Sophomore game and am struck by this question. "Why is Tyson Chandler playing in this game?" I know they need bodies but Chandler is a stiff. The Grizz's own Shane Battier would have been a much better choice. Oh well. All those LeBron James fans, remember, Tyson Chandler was LeBron James three years ago? I'm not saying LeBron will be a flop but let's see what happens before he is anointed as the next... Harold Miner, Jerry Stackhouse, Vince Carter... Once the game gets rolling it is painfully obvious that this is going to be a bad "And 1" mix tape kinda' afternoon (I guess that's a little bit of an oxymoron). Jason Richardson looks like he's playing hard to win... the MVP. Between firing at will and throwing down everything that is even close to the hoop, J Rich is looking for more silverware to match 2002's efforts. Unfortunately, his young teammate, Gilbert Arenas, is en fuego from 3 point range is dropping treys from everywhere. Sorry Jason, you'll have to just go out and repeat in the dunk contest. By the way, I think somebody won the game but I was distracted by the bright lights and flashing screens around me. Funnily enough, there is a buzz already going around about the dunk contest. I don't think people are expecting 'Nique/Jordan 2 but still, there's a buzz. The event might not be dead after all. There is a sizable break between the game and the "contests" so I take this an opportunity to stake out the primo viewing spot for the next events. I settle on the spots assigned to ESPN.com as I quite regularly read their pages and feel that definitely entitles me to probably sit in their assigned media seats? The 989 Skills Competition rolls around and Gary Payton can't throw a crisp chest pass handing Jason Kidd the victory. A little bit lame but the skills might have some potential. Let's see a special drop step contest for high school big men or a jump stop contest for those high flying wing players (I'd like to see Ricky Davis coming to a two foot stop just for the fun of it). Now, the comp everyone has been waiting for - 3 on 3 featuring washed-up NBA veterans, present NBA players, WNBA players (hey, it's the only time anyone ever sees them) and the key, lame Hollywood celebrities with bad game (except last years main man, Tom Cavanagh... right Tom). This year's addition features "Dude..." and "That 70's..." star Ashton Kutcher and "Malcolm in the Middle's" Frankie Muniz. Highlight? Other than Magic Johnson weighing in at a Shawn Kemp-like 300 pounds it has got to be Frankie dropping an NBA 3 on Ashton's head. All is well after the game though as Ashton returns to his courtside seat with his date, Brittany Murphy. Is it just me or is she really skanky in a Christina Aguillera-kinda' way? Okay, time to bring the real stuff. The AT & T Shootout brings together some of the finest 3 point shooters in the league, plus Antoine Walker. After some bad misfiring in the first round (hello 'Toine), Peja, Wesley Person and Bones Barry advance to the finals. First round highlight. No, not the shooting but Barry's soft shoe dance moves (sporting old school suede runners and full warm-up suit). I just get the feeling that old Rick never busted out the moves at anytime in his career. The final round brings some sweet shooting and a music malfunction that leads to a Peja "do over" and his second consecutive title. I never noticed before but Peja's stroke is a little strange. He brings the ball up the center of his body and then readjusts for the follow through. It almost looks like a sling shot. I'll have to help Peja out and give him some advice, correct that error and all. The stands are packed, the lights are dimmed, time for the defining basketball event of our era, the Sprite Rising Stars Slam Dunk contest. The key this year, an actual all former winners judging panel featuring MJ (making his Saturday appearance in about 13 years). I'm right under the hoop for this one and ready for some sick dunks. Richard Jefferson, what the hell happened? Other than disappointing me personally (I picked him as my surprise winner) could things have gone any worse? He looked more like "Jefferson's on Ice" than the high rising throw down artist that appears nightly on the highlight shows. The finals roll around and J Rich and "The Cowboy" Desmond Mason are going for the gusto. Desmond throws down a crazy between the legs lefty only to be followed by Richardson's even crazier bounce, between the legs lefty. The normal assortment of NBA groupies (hello Damon Jones) jump up with their ten signs and it is over. Jason Richardson wins his second consecutive dunk contest and can now start working on actually bringing his FG % up to the basketball Mendoza line of 38%? Just a thought. As All-Star Saturday rolls to an end, I contemplate the reason that this weekend exists. Provide software/footage for all the "Entertainment Tonight's," "Extra's," and of course my favourite, "Celebrity Justice." A lot of star power happening here in the ATL. My personal highlight? Eating the lovely media buffet with my new pal, "Rick the Temp" from Much Music. Why is he in Atlanta? I don't know but he just finished filming an interview with Mariah Carey, so, I got to hear all about Mariah's demure outfits and real breasts (really good, or at least that's what her Doctor said). So, shout out to my man Rick. As I roll back to the Super 8, I'm struck by the fact that Atlanta must have more Escalades, EXT's, Navigator's and tricked out H2's than any other place on earth. A lot of 20" dubs and booming systems. Combine that with an over abundance of velour sweat suits, retro jerseys and bling, bling and it is homeboy heaven in the dirty south. Maybe I'm an extra on the set of "The Ladies Man 2" or something. All I need is a bottle of cognac and I would fit right in? Anyway, it would make for a fascinating episode of "Livin' Large, the Middle Class Edition." Stay tuned for more All-Star fun as I document the rest of Saturday night's action (can I get into an exclusive party or two) as well as the Sunday's All-Star game and accompanying action. Right now, I need to try to sleep. Aaaah, sweet sleep. Doug E. For more Doug E. "Sportstalk" columns (or what passes for a columns), click here!
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